5 ways to lighten the mental load of motherhood
The mental load of motherhood is something many mums carry every single day, remembering appointments, planning meals, managing routines, and thinking ten steps ahead for the whole family. It’s exhausting, invisible, and often overwhelming.
Lightening the mental load is about creating simple systems and habits that take the pressure off your mind, so you’re not trying to remember and manage everything all at once.
In this post you’ll learn what the mental load of motherhood looks like, along with practical, realistic ways to lighten it in your everyday life.
We’ll walk through simple things you can do like getting everything out of your head and into one place, creating routines to reduce decision-making, and sharing responsibilities, so you’re not the default person for everything.
You’ll also discover how to recognise the signs that your mental load is finally starting to feel lighter, so by the end of this post you’ll feel more in control, less overwhelmed, and better equipped to manage the invisible workload of motherhood.
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What is the motherhood mental load?
Before diving into ways to lighten the mental load of motherhood, it’s important to understand what mental load actually is.
Mental load includes things like:
- Keeping track of schedules and appointments
- Planning meals and grocery shopping
- Remembering school events and activities
- Managing household tasks and routines
- Anticipating family needs before they arise
The mental load is the constant background thinking that never quite switches off, and carrying too much of it can lead to:
- Overwhelm
- Stress and burnout
- Decision fatigue
- Feeling like you’re always “on”
Lightening motherhood mental load is about creating systems that support you, so your brain doesn’t have to hold everything at once.
How to lighten mental load
Now that we’ve answered the question “what is the mental load?” here are 5 ways that you can lighten it.
Get everything out of your head
One of the biggest contributors to motherhood mental load is trying to remember everything.
Instead of relying on your memory do a brain dump, which is where you get everything out of your head and in one central place, which may be in a:
- Family planner
- Wall calendar
- Notes app on your phone
- To do list notepad
- Shared digital calendar
Things you can get out of your head and written down include:
- Appointments
- Bills to pay
- Family goals
- Gift ideas
- Grocery lists
- School dates
- Self-care activities
- To-do lists
Getting everything out of your head helps to instantly free up mental space, and the overwhelm you feel when your brain is constantly thinking about all the things you have to do.
READ MORE: The best daily planners to stay organised
Create simple routines
Routines reduce the number of decisions you need to make each day, because instead of thinking “what needs doing next?” you simply follow the steps in your routine to ensure that you get everything done.
Examples of simple routines that reduce mental load include a:
- School morning routine
- Weekly planning routine
- Weekly meal planning routine
- Laundry and cleaning routine
To explain how routines can lighten the mental load, let’s use the example of a school morning routine.
Starting a school morning routine means that instead of having to constantly think of everything you need to do to get out the door on time, you simply follow all the steps in your school morning routine every morning, until it becomes so automatic you don’t need to think about it anymore.
The steps you can add to your school morning routine can be:
- Make beds
- Get dressed
- Brush teeth
- Brush hair
- Eat breakfast
- Put shoes and coats on
- Leave home
Stop being the default adult
Many mums carry the mental load because they’re the one who remembers everything, organises everything, and answers all the questions.
Some of the ways to start redistributing these things to other family members, hence lessening the mental load that you carry is to start:
- Assigning age-appropriate tasks to children
- Sharing responsibilities with your partner
- Letting others take ownership of certain areas, such as one person handling all school communication, one person managing food shopping, kid’s tidying their own toys etc
Simplify decisions whenever possible
Constantly having to make decisions is a huge contributor to mental load, and even exhaustion.
Simplifying decisions whenever possible looks like:
- Having a list of favourite dinners and rotating through them
- Laying out your kid’s clothes the night before
- Having go-to packed lunch options
- Keeping a standard shopping list
Stop saying yes to everything
This is something I need to get better at, which is not saying yes to everything, because saying yes to everything not only adds a lot of pressure to your daily life, but can also make you burnout fast.
Before saying yes to anything, ask yourself if you really want to do it, and if you’d feel relieved if someone else did it, if the answer to these questions is yes, then say no to the request.
It can be hard saying no, but what’s harder is doing something you don’t want to do, don’t have the time to do, or don’t have the mental energy to do.
How to get started
You don’t need to do everything in this post to lighten the mental load of motherhood, instead start with one simple step like writing everything down in one place, creating one routine, allocating one task to someone in your family, simplifying one area of your day, or saying no to one thing, and building things from there.
Signs your mental load is getting lighter
Once you start doing any of these activities, you may notice:
- You feel less overwhelmed
- You forget fewer things
- Your days feel more structured
- You have more mental space
- You feel calmer and more in control
Lightening the mental load of motherhood – a recap
By getting things out of your head, creating simple routines, no longer being the default adult, simplifying daily decisions, and saying no to added pressures, you’re creating breathing space for yourself.
These small, practical systems take the pressure off your mind, so you can feel calmer, more in control, and less overwhelmed.
It’s important to remember that lightening your mental load isn’t about doing more or becoming more productive. It’s about doing less of what drains you, and creating systems that support you in your everyday life.
What’s one thing you could get out of your head and onto paper today?
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